Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the kid raise his hand in class because he had a question

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven raped and murdered eight's family.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the little boy chase after his ball? Because it rolled away

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If you go to an animal shelter to get a pet god, you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Ferrari? I have a bag of dead babies in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is black.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock. Who's there? Jahova's witnesses.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A scotsmen, an Irishman and an Englishman all walk into a bar. The publican had accidentally left the door unlocked and the bar was in fact closed. So they left.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the man commit suicide? Because he felt he had nothing left to live for

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

thumb_up thumb_down +4

who ever is reading this....

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken would greatly appreciate it if you stayed out of its personal life.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken lay an egg? Because she got knocked up.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is a chair?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue...........Im wearing socks

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops