A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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What's fourteen inches long and purple and can make a woman scream all night? crib death

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Why did the man stop having seizure? Because his condition was recognized and he was properly medicated.

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knock knock - "who's there" - "i'm a escaped convict who's here to murder you and rob your house" - "Well come in the doors already open"

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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Knock, Knock Who's There A dyslexic kid with aides

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Are you from Tenessee? I heard you were from there

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What black and has children A black man

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What's worse then falling up the stairs? Ketchup

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What's worse than finding out you have cancer? Not much, that would not be so great.

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How you do stop a baby from swinging around on the clothesline? Hit it with a shovel.

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knock, knock! No answer, they probably can't hear you, use the doorbell.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

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What do you call a fat person with no friends? An individual who is over the expected weight of a person their age, who finds themselves disliked by people in their s surroundings, possibly due to their weight problem, but also it may be because of any personality defects they may have, or they simply may prefer to be alone.

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? She came in to give her husband, who was washing the dishes, a kiss before she went to bed early so she could be well rested and get up on time to make the 45 minute commute to the hospital where she worked as a neurosurgeon the next morning.

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Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

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How do you punish Helen Keller? Send her to her room until she becomes civil enough to explain what was causing her misbehavior.

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Q. what does a metal slinkey and a retarded person have in common? A. you will smile watching one fall down the steps

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what happens when you put samuel jackson on a plane with snakes? They make a movie

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What is chewy and tastes like gum? Chewing gum.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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