Q: What's bigger than a volcano? A: Earth

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Your mother was a hamster, And your father smelt of ElderBerries!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why was the boy embarrassed when he opened his parents' bedroom door? Because he had been trying the door for several minutes until he realized he was pushing instead of pulling.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Nobody enjoys your company. Nobody likes your work. Nobody loves you. There is no person who's name is legitimately nobody.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did Helen Keller's cat kill itself? It didn't, I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: What's worse than eating cauliflowers? A: Eating cauliflowers and getting raped by Jerry Sandusky at the age of 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +35

There's two people, one wearing a nice sweater and the other is not. The one without has to walk the dog, so he asks the other guy if he can have his sweater. He says "No but you can wear it."

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why couldn't the 1 year old talk? It's a 1 year old, idiot, it can't!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the nazi say to the jew? im gay

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Straight men can be bronies.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you do you cure cancer? Very carefully.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why was the guy with six fingers called John? His name was John.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: What did the black man say to his Ex wife after she placed a restraining order on him? A: nothing, he was no longer allowed contact with her of any kind and thus could not converse with her

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I was (really) asked one day by a guy if I wanted to star in a porn movie... Before I could even think about it he asked my 14 year old sister "Do you want to join in too?" And that kids, is why I am stuck in jail for pushing up a boot up a guys ass... Well replace boot with dick, and guys ass with my 14 year old sister and yeah... Naw... seriously she has hueg boobs though... at the age of 14, damn those melons have not even gone a bit greenish yellow and they are still growing... ...Hey Cassandra, its NeroMetal, good thing I am not your brother and that you are 19 right? NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THAT NEROISM DUDE THAT CHATS HERE, I play videogames, and write books, and sign books... ...Then some guy sees my real name is Nero and goes that guy on horsehead network? Who? HE SUCKS! SUCKS ASS!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A plane full of atheists, with one Christian, crashes into a field over Ohio. Everybody but the Christian dies upon impact. Amazed, a news reporter on the scene of the crash, asks the man, "How did you suvive this tragic event?" "I had a parachute." Responds the man.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Four homosexuals walk into a bar. They notice that there's only one stool left at the bar itself. They sat at a table with four chairs. They had a delightful time.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why did one crayon give another crayon the silent treatment? because they are crayons, unable to speak

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A Jew walks into a bar The bar owner looks at a gang of punks in the back and shouts "YOU! GET OUT!" The Jew leaves the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops