Why is there milk on the stairs? Did the cow leak again?

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Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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G

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If life throws you melons you might be dyslexic, but you also might not be.

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what did the parapelegic (limbless) kid get for his birthday? Heart failure

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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want a balloon? yeah

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Physical abuse.

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i got angry and i was like " i really want to kick someone" ,my friend was on the ground and shes like "you can kick me" ,and i'm like "REALLY" ,then i kicked her really hard and she cried...

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*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dog

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Why did Helen Keller's cat kill itself? It didn't, I did.

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Nobody enjoys your company. Nobody likes your work. Nobody loves you. There is no person who's name is legitimately nobody.

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Q: What's bigger than a volcano? A: Earth

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Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

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It is so hard to write an antijoke.

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Your mother was a hamster, And your father smelt of ElderBerries!

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Why was the boy embarrassed when he opened his parents' bedroom door? Because he had been trying the door for several minutes until he realized he was pushing instead of pulling.

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If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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