What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

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What's the difference between a trash can full of dead babies and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

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Why was the sex offender sweating in the playground? Because he was pushing his over weight son on the swing.

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Why a polar bear fell over? He drank so much

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A zebra walks into bar, the surrounding customers in the bar become very intrigued why this exotic creature has wandered from Africa into New york. Before they can come to a concluson animal control opens fire on the creature, splatering its organs onto the tables. This event ruined the night for most customers and they fileout of the bar calmly but sad

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Why did the teacher get mad at the student? Because he ran over him with a car.

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What did Jean Luc Picard say to Data when he saw a broken Janome Overlocker? Make it Sew

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Why did the little boy drop his ice-cream? He was run over by a bus and died instantly.

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Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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Why did the cat throw up on the couch? because it was nauseous!

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A black teenager drives an Escalade His father is a prominent lawyer and his mother is a neuroscientist.

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How do you stop the neighbors kids from jumping the fence into your property? Molest them.

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Why was the T-Rex so bad at math? Cause it was stupid

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Why is there milk on the stairs? Did the cow leak again?

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Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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G

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If life throws you melons you might be dyslexic, but you also might not be.

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what did the parapelegic (limbless) kid get for his birthday? Heart failure

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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want a balloon? yeah

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*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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