Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a desert island together. They eventually succumb to dehydration and heat exhaustion. They lasted five days.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Because it had no arms. Why did Little Timmy fall off of his bike? Because he was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator. Knock knock Who's there? Not Little Timmy.

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your momma's so fat i almost didn't have sex with her.... almost.

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How do you kill chuck norris? With a gun...from 40 feet away

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The game!

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Why do Chinese people have flat faces? Air bags.

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Austin is gay. He goes to River Road. And is a sophomore.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What advice did the cat give to the man? Nothing because it's a cat.

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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why was the woman in the kitchen? she was being held hostage there by Bob Saget

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Q. How do you stop a clown from smiling? A. You hit it in the face with an axe.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs? names.

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How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? No amount of them could ever figure it out. They all tremble with fear in the dark.

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What would you get if you crosses a potato and a frog? Nothing because potatoes cannot breed with animals

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So yesterday I went to find a pair of camo pants, And I did

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what do you get when you cross a scotsman who doe'snt know anything about football,and a indian who doe'snt anything about football .blackburn rovers , and a good night out.

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What do you call a man who has been run over by a car? An Ambulance

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Q.What has flashing lights and really bad dancing A.Baby haveing an eppilectic fit

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hi

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I walked into an elevator with Ray Rice...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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