Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

What did the watermelon say to the apple? Nothing. Watermelons are fruits and incapable of speech.

What did Helen Keller say to Michael Jordon before she died? Nothing...

What lumpy and pointy? A horny woman with breast cancer

A man walks through a doorway but there was a door there so he got injured

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Q: what did the man say to the woman? A: hi

A white person at Harvard

What did the cancer patient get for Christmas? 2 weeks to live...

Why did little Timmy start crying? Because he was shot.

What did the martian say to the other martian when he saw a fire hydrant? "Hey look, I found a fire hydrant!"

If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? A testicle

Whats sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going off a cliff? A Caddy fits five.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I slipped you some roofies You'll be out in a few

A black man, Jew, and Asian walk into a bar... What does the bartender say? get out.

Let's go burn down an orphanage, what are they gonna do tell their parents?

What's the difference between a water melon and a baby? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other's just a water melon.

A man walks into a bar. Later that night he comes home to an intervention and realizes he has a drinking has hurt him and his family.

What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

Why was the Jewish man sad? His wife was brutally murdered, His chilren raped, Parents stabbed horrifically and stuffed with turtles and the doctor just informed him that he had cancer and was due to die 17 minutes ago.

Knock... Knock... Who's there? AIDS.

Why did the cow jump over the moon ? This is a highly unlikely situation , therefore the cow did not leave its humble pasture , let alone talk english while in the midst of jumping over a planet wich takes days to fly over .

What's the different between a trampoline and a baby? You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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