What's inside that man's house? Atoms.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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What do fruits and computers have in common. Microsoft.

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Why did Bob Marley Shoot the Sheriff? Because he was black.

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Whats fuzzy and greenand if it falls from a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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What did the boy with no arms get in his Christmas card? We don't know, he's yet to open it.

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Abortion

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Why is Steve Jobs dead, but Bill Gates isn't? Because Bill Gates wasn't diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

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My friend died by getting shot in the head. But he respawned back at his checkpoint.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Q.If your have $6.00 and I have a hair cut, how many donkeys are in the paddock? A. Aliens with a hat????????????

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What did the janitor have for breakfast? Food

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What'f funny and has 8 wheels? The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels

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What's five times 10? Sixty, you retarded fuck.

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What's worse than a Wasp at a picnic? Two wasps at a picnic. What's worse than two wasps at a picnic? A serial rapist. What's worse that a serial rapist? Three wasps at a picnic.

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Why did the mother tell her son to get a job. She was tired of buying Generic brand food.

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There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he swallowed his shoe. But it turns out his dream was real, and he died because he could not digest a whole shoe.

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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Like this if you have a big diick like me Dislike if you have a baby diick Ignore if you're a girl and get back in the kitchen

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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How do you make a nerd cry? Give him a 99% on a test.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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