A man stepped on a nail. He died shortly after of lockjaw.

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What do you do when your speeding and a cop is right behind you? make a complete stop and hope for the best

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he can't come anyway.

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A man and Sasquatch are walking down the shoreline on the eastern coast, the man looks back at the foot prints in the sand, he notices that during the hardest parts of his life, there were only one pair of footprints, while in his easiest moments, he sees two pairs of footprints; the man is disturbed about this and he asks Sasquatch this. "Sasquatch, Although you have always promised to be with me in my life, I see that when I needed you most, you were never there. Why is this Sasquatch?" Sasquatch replies, "HREAAHAHG?!"

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What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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Your mama is so fat she has a high BMI and is at a high-risk of Type II Diabetes.

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Who did the Vampire bite? No one because vampires aren't real.

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A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

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yo mamas so fat that when she wears a bathing suit people go "wow, that women is fat"

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Tunechi

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Michael Jackson!

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why is 6 afraid of 7? because 6 is a capitalist and 7 is a communist

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Win and Beau have no friends

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A man sat on a chair

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A Chinese kid fails his math test.

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my gramma died

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing.

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Why was the little boy crying He had a frog stapled to his head

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Penis

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What happens when a Jew, a black man, and a Latino walk into the bar? The potential for racial humor.

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Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink.

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A baby walks into a bar, I find that very unlikely as very few baby's can actually walk.

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Women's rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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