How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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A rapist is asked to teach a kindergarden class. The kids learn many things and have a great day.

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A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

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What does a camel wear at war? Camelflage

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Someone stole my cookie from the cookie jar! So I bought another cookie.

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What' do you call a fart in a box? Your mom's puzsy

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Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary? A: According to the Oxford English Dictionary (second edition), it is "Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism."

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what do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag? a fruit roll-up. GET IT? because gay guys like fruit roll-ups.

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a woman came back from a long vacation, one of her male employes noticed that her breast were much larger, "wow, did you get a boob job?" he asked. she replied "no i have breast cancer"

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John Stamos.

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knock knock who's there? be. be who? *hits you with a batterang. BECAUSE ITS BATMAN

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

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Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

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hey do you eat out a woman properly? you cook her first and then eat her. -jeffery dahmers

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What kind of bread makes pickles? Dill Dough

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whats worse than getting no gifts for christmas? getting hit by a bus for christmas

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A Christian walks in into a bar . . . mitzvah.

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What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

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Emergency call: - Please help, my little son swallowed a condom! 5 minutes later - It is ok, I found another one.

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What's big and fat? An obese man.

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;aosughdfo

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Whats Black White and Red all over? oh, wait. what time were we supposed to meet that landlord?

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Whats worse than burning jews? jews that are alive

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops