Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers The middle one is for you

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Pick up lines: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're wearing a university of Tennessee sweatshirt. If I could rearrange the alphabet to put 'U' and 'I' together, I would not do it because I would have to reorganize all of my alphabetized files. Is it hot in here to you or am I experiencing early signs of a stroke?

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So a man was walking down the street with bananas in his ears when he saw one of his friends coming the other way. When they met up the one friend asked, "Hey you know you've got bananas in your ears?" To which the man replied "What? I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."

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What is pink, smelly, and sometimes gets wet? A pink sponge.

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The nurse at a hospital came out of the delivery room and chucked the baby down the hall to the father. The dad starts crying and the nurse starts laughing and said, "It's ok, it was already dead."

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Shoulda had a V8 ...or not because I am severely allergic to tomato's.

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I win an iPad for pooping on someone's head Answer- We have a muddaf**kin winna

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What is the mexican dream? To jump the border

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? He was attempting vehicular suicide after being told yet again that he was "silly" and "Trix are for kids."

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What's worse than watching 5 homeless men have an orgy? Waking up and having to clean the sheets

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Whats white and bad for your teeth? A refridgerator

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one day four teenage boys started doing drugs. They jumped off a cliff and died.

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What's the difference between Bobby and a plane? Bobby can be sexually molested.

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Roses are black Violets are black Im Helen Keller WWWHHAATTTTT!?!?

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Flop dog

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the finest ingedients.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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So a bunch of blondes are in a group and a murder comes by and sais, "if you want to live, answer a question right." so the blondes pick there smartest on. the first question is, what is 9+4... the blonde answers five, the crowd goes "give her another chance giver her another chance, same thing happens, she gets it wrong and the crowd goes "give her another chance, give her another chance." the murderer sais "ok fine this is your final guess, what is 2+2" the blonde goes "uuhhhhhh... 4?" And the whole crowd goes "give her another chance give her another chance

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What sound does a childs head make in a vice? I don't know, I was too busy wanking.

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What's the difference between a Jew that is half Jewish and a Jew that is fully Jewish? 1/2

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What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

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What did the gay man do last night? Had a curry

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"Free to play" Play free "right now"

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What do you think JFK would be doing if he was alive today? Yelling for help and trying to somehow escape his coffin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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