<3 ... it looks more like scissors than a heart...

Three aliens land in the middle of New York City. There is a huge media story about the first extraterrestrial life to be discovered on Earth.

What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

Whats funnier than the Holocaust? Nothing.

Hey could I ask you a question? Yes Thanks

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and suffered from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in his head, he is being treated by medical professionals

Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

A man walks into work and massacres 20 due to a mental illness.

What's a ghost's favourite country? Fraaaaance.

What do you call red eyes in the dark? A high black man

What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

if bob has 400 pieces of chocolate and eats 200 chocolates how many does he have left. none he died from diabetes

How do you make someone think your wierd? Pretend to be a panda.

Why did the blonde walk into the wall? I lied it was nathaniel nugnes

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

Knock Knock Who's There? Dave I don't know a Dave, Please leave.

Why are rich guys gay? They can afford to be

Billy and Suzy sitting in a tree... Billy is gay.

A man walks up to a horse and asks, "why the long face?" The horse stares back at him, blankly. The man then sits and ponders his life, sad that he now tries to communicate with horses and realizes that his eccentricity is probably the reason his marriage failed.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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