What is the biggest fictional book ever made? Either the Bible, or the Dictionary.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's brown and sticky? Caramel.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Yo mamas so tan she might get skin cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why cant monkeys swim? cause they dont have staberlizers.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

In Soviet Russia it is normally colder than america and most people speak russian.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the man full? He ate a meal.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the girl with no arms fall out the window? I pushed her.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than losing your car keys? Watching your 4 year old son get visciously raped by a 20stone sex hungry pedophile and knowing you cant do anything about it because the sex hungry pedophile is your dad and he is the alpha male of the family so he has full mating rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the child rapist say to the little boy? I'm going to rape you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I had my period 3 days ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What doesnt have arms and legs? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So there are 5 people on a plane the president, a movie star, and man who is on the verge of making world peace, the smartest man in the world, and the pope the piolt has a heart atack at and the plane will crash soon there are only 4 parachutes. So the first is Obama and he saysI won a Nobel piece prize and I run American see ya later and he takes the parachute next Steven hawking says sory pope Im taking this because I don't believe in God and black holes are cool so he takes the parachute and jumps out. Next Charlie Sheen says I need to entertain people and keep the drug dealers in business so he. Takes the parachute and jumps out. Then Francis turns to the hippie and says if you achive world peace it may help eliminate some poverty so you take the last paratute and jump out then the hippie says in return no its OK Steven Hawking took my back back. When they land they decide to serch for Steven's body and they find nothing. You see Steven Hawking had taken his own paratute with him and took the Hippies backpack to sell it and make some money

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what did bob say tothe ugly duckling? your ugly and a duckling

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I walked a few Km from home.. Something stops me in my tracks, there lies A LIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

knock knock who's there doctor doctor who No

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the cat say when you rub it's stomach? Nothing because felines don't have the needed vocal organs to speak, and probaly wouldn't know english do to the size of there brain.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q:what has two legs and bleeds A: a dog cut in half

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the man do when he was tired Nothing he went to bed

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why does a snake have eyes? To see!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Yo mom so fat that even Torres won't miss her

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the girl fall off her bike? Someone threw a piano at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops