How do you get a woman out of a car? You drive it into a river and her body will float to the top.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A: Because he was shot in the face

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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If you pull a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? I need a quick answer for this question.

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Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

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A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam." I promptly informed the authorities. He was transported to a mental institution and I later learned that he swallowed his own tongue and died. Nobody attended his funeral.

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Q. Why dont people like shane murchan ? A. Because he wears chinos .....

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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I'm Batman.

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What did one lawyer say to the other? We are both lawyers. What did the stupid lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both pineapples.

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Knock Knock. I paid good money for a doorbell. Use it, please.

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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend........... Wiped his ass

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Roses are red. Violets blue i do fuck people. MAYBE u too?

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what do you get when you cross a jellyfish, a jar, and a brown crayon? i dont know, im not into genetics, and jars dont have genes.

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what's worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding an apple in your pet worm.

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What did the kid with all F's on his report card get? Beat by his parents

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What did the amputee get for chritmas? A bicycle

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Mahjdichdhsjxidjhsbxu shcowiqx own hdqu Hedgehog the third

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Knock knock Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? T get to the other side of the road

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What's black and has a beary taste? A black bear.

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What killed the dinosaurs? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!!

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Why did moral man lose his superpowers? Because he read the pointless superpowers section and realized its pointless... Moral: yeah this is my power... :(

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Why Is Helen Keller such a bad driver? Because she is a woman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops