A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replied, "That's probably because you're schizophrenic."

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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What do you call a man who stole from a thief? A thief, no matter whom you are stealing from the consequences are dire.

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whats brown, lying in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs? a girl scout that got hit by a truck

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What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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Why did the person post a real joke with bad grammar and spelling on anti-joke.com? They didn't flippin' understand the point of the website.

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An American guy, Chinese guy, and Black guy are on a boat. Who jumps off first? Hopefully no one jumps off, especially because the ocean current is strong. They should call the coast guard if they are lost and find a safe way back to shore.

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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The Paralympics! Even if you win, you're still retarded!

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What happens when you put a cat in an oven? Don't, because it will die.

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Your mother is so good in the kitchen that we all asked for a second helping.

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

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Por que não passa Globo Esporte na Etiópia? Porque a Rede Globo não tem afiliadas por lá.

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why was the boy sad? his friend got hit by a bus.

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A Mexican, a Jew and an African walk into a bar. Now, it seem it was the Jew's turn to pay for drinks. So, all three ordered drinks, and the Jew paid for them.

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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A women go hit by a car, what everyone woners though, how did the car get in between the bedroom and the kitchen?

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who wins a race a white guy or a black guy? depends who's faster

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Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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what did the blind santa say to the jewish child jewish people don't believe in santa...awkward.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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