I scream! You scream! - You've Just Been Rapped

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A:Will you be my valentine? B:No

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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the website says jokes, yet these are all facts.

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What did the black man say to the jewish man? Hello.

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Whats the different between a black man and white man...... the different levels melanin in the skin that results in pigment

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Whats funnier than a jew holding a nickel. Nothing. Jews are cheap.

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A refridgerator What's white heavy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A polar bear

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Funny joke to play on an elderly woman: Take her cane and push her In front of a bus.

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Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

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What di the wrecking ball say to the house? Duck!!!

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dave lee travis walks into a radio station , plays some records , talks randomly , and a good time is had by all.

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A man walks into a doctor's office, he pees in a cup and is diagnosed with diabetes.

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why didn't the printer work? it was in the toilet.

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q: Why does my grandpa climbs a phone pole with a bag of bananas? a: He likes to climb and he might get hungry.

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You know what they say about men with large feet? Large shoes.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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Why did Eve eat the fruit first? Because women are whores.

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why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad. salads can't fly planes.

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what was sad about six black guys driving off a cliff in a cadallac? They were my friends

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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