Roses are red, Violets are blue I'm Schizophrenic and so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man orders 3,687 bricks. He gets 3,688 bricks delivered to him. He throws the extra brick in the air. Ok, so a man is smoking a cigar by a woman with a small poodle. They are both in a plane. The woman asks the man if he could get rid of the cigar because the smoke is making her dog turn green. The man refuses. In anger, she throws the cigar out of the window. The man gets angry and throws the poodle out the window. What lands in the poodles mouth when it's falling? The brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Animal control.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

OGC - tilt your head

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Once upon a time.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you insult a Canadian? You just swear at them and hope for the best.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

It says so on your cap.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock, Knock. Who's there? A Jehovah Witness.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did one mail box say to the other? NOTING! In-animate objects cannot speak...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A duck, a mailman, and a poet were contemplating suicide, then they changed their minds.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did Susie fall off a swing? She had an inner ear infection.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I walked into town today and bumped into a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker. It meant nothing to me because I was never read nursery rhymes as a child due to my parents both dying before I was conceived

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A:what happens when you throw a black guy down from sky-scraper Q:he dies

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's Worse then an apple with a worm? The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -40

A man walks into a bar. Jeremy Lin congratulates him for being a person.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

"Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock, Knock" "Who's there?" "The police. We're looking for three escaped inmates posing as bananas."

thumb_up thumb_down +71

How does a blind bit of difference differ from one that can see?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Have you ever tried ethiopian food? No. Neither have they

thumb_up thumb_down +47

- Ask me if I'm a firetruck. - Are you a firetruck? - No.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Knock knock (No one is home)

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into an apple and slicing your mouth on a razorblade

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Whats worse than getting negative 5 on your calculus test? Coming up positive on your Chlamydia test.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Ken: Your dog is sick, he needs to see a vet. Megan: Omg, what is it? Ken: It's a medical person who treats animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops