What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

why did the man paint his house? because he never wanted to paint his house

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man and a women have a conversation. Man: what's 2 + 2 Woman: four. Man: you're correct.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

You wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? I slipped in mud. Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is a guy..

thumb_up thumb_down +38

h

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Yo mama so fat,we are all very concerned for her health.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a man with three arms and three legs and no nose. A highly unlikely instance that no one would believe is real.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

So there is 10 Nazis and a monkey the rest doesn't matter but i farted...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What is brown and sticky?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's the difference between a white person and a black person? The presence of melanin in their skin, as well as often their socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

You know what's annoying When you suddenly die of a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Do you know karate, shorty? Or are those bruises from an abusive father?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops