Roses are red Violets are red Trees are red Shrubs are red HOLY SHIT! MY YARD IS ON FIRE!

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A man goes to lie down on a couch. His wife walks by and sees him, and asks, "what are you doing?" to which he replies, "lying down"

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

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A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

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What's better than Westboro Church? Committing over 9000 sins.

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How many nails does it take to build a house? As many as it takes to get the job done.

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What happens when you stab a black man? An equal race rights protest.

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What's big, white and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator.

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Why did the kid get athsma? Genetics.

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whats stupid and likes dumb jokes? you.

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Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

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What do you call a Mexican who gets shot on a golf course? A tragic incident.

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If there are 3 black men as passengers in a car, who is driving? The person who is operating the vehicle.

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A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? UPS.

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there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree ? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was attached to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a monkey.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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Whats green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree you'll die? A pool table.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

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Why did the small child fall down the stairs? Because he had lung cancer was in a wheel chair and I was incredibly tempted to push him down the stairs.

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you know what they say about people with big feet, they have big feet...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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