What did the 5 cent store clerk say to the customer? That will be 5 cents.

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Friend's are like pinguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Two robots walk into a bar, just kidding, they have Polio.

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What do you call a man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk? A man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk.

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What do you call a car with a sunroof? A car.

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Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

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How do you kill chuck norris? With a gun...from 40 feet away

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Roses are red Violets are blue One fish two fish Red fish blue fish

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A young gay man comes out of the closet to his conservative, Christian parents. Everything went better than expected.

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Q: What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? A: They both have handlebars except for the duck!

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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Random question: Whats black and white, green, and black and white? Well thought out correct answer: 2 zebras fighting over a pickle

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What do Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder have in common? They're both well known figures who have inspired many.

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Ebola

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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eloise dey.

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Why did the man Iorn his face? Because he felt like it.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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How are contortionists so flexible? They stretch.

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Student; Miss, please may I go toilet? Teacher; Yes, but say your alphabet first. Student; Ok

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What do call a limbless man swimming? Dead.

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Do you want to French kiss? What are you, racist

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what do you get when you cross an African with a Rhinoceros? A rhinoceros.

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whats big, black and red all over? My mom when its that time of the month

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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