Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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What was the beauty pageant contestant with a bladder control problem told by the judges? You’re an 8.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke her face? No slap her bum!

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A recently engaged couple are having sex. The man finishes in just under 3 minutes as usual. The woman then says "I love you" because they've been together for over 2 years and they care for each other very deeply.

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you: Why did the chicken cross the road? them: "To get to the other side...?" you: Oh! *stare*

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Knock knock. Who's there? Black guy. Due to your skin tone I feel you may cause potential danger to me and my family, so for that reason I will not allow you to enter my home.

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What did the baby say to the banana? -- "mama!"

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You smell bad? Cool.

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What's worse than doing the dishes with long sleeves? Finding out your girlfriend's been cheating on you.

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Hey man have you ever seen Stevie Wonders house? ... Neither has he

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A man walks into a bar, unfortunately his brain condition killed him after the swelling in his brain reached a point where his family had to unplug him from a machine putting him in a medically induced coma.

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man was playing with his little toddler. the man put his thumb through his fingers and said "got your nose" the baby laughed. the cops then burst down his door and arrested him for robbery of personal items. they werent laughing.

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What starts with P and ends in O-R-N? Popcorn.

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There once was a mathematician, a physicist and an engineer in a room without an exit. The ceiling catches fire. They all die.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a jar filled with money. He asks the bartender, "What`s all this money for?" The bartender replies, "It`s Breast Cancer Awareness month and we are collecting donations." The man puts in $5, and continues on with his night.

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Who spends too much time on Anti-Joke? ...

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Why did the fox cross the road Because it didn't anticipate getting mashed by the passing lorry

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Where does lady gags buy her bran flakes ? Sainsburys

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Its april fools day and a women is in labour and has to rush to the hospital. Her husband couldn't make it so it is just the doctor and her in the delivery room. 4 hours of labour go by and complications arise. 12 hours later she gives birth toa beautiful baby boy. The doctor wipes the baby off and goes to hand it to her but then suddenly pulls it back and kicks it a cross the room. The mother screamed "my baby boy!" and the doctor smiles and says "April fools! It was already dead!"

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What do you call a drunk cannibalistic Jew? A HeBrew!

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they sent me too your moms house and 9 months later you are here

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A cow walks into a store. The clerk asks "how may i help you sir?" The cow says "Im a cow stupid!" and storms out.

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Person One: Three bears are eating tacos, seventeen bears are making margaritas, how many bears are going to the supermarket to get overly prices expired two percent milk? Person Two: ...Who gives a shit!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!!!? Person One: No! That is incorrect!..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................its 16

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Nick!" Because he knows him and is not racist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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