omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

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Why did the chicken cross the road. Because, It can't fly

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An old lady and her son walk into a hospital, only to find it covered in TRICERITOPS SHIT!!!!

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A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there?" A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there!?" A: Knock knock knock B: "God dammit who's there!?" A: "Penny?"

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a dude goes to vegas and loses his money, the moral of the story is not to trust the internet this story was written by The Internet

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The 19th Amendment

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Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? A: Two dead babies.

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What looks like a jew, smells like a jew, but claims he isn't jewish? Fletcher Phillips

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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What's worse than dropping your sandwich. Dying of pancreatic cancer.

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What's big, red and eats rocks? A big, red Rock-Eater

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Dumbledore: Yo mamma's so fat --- her Patronus is a cake! Voldemort: ...bitch!

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What's the difference between two black people? Ones a little mocha caramel.

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Did you hear about the man who didn't get a burger with his meal?! Yes he is doing quite well on his diet don't you agree?

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Holocaust jokes aren't funny. Anne Frankly, they're just out of bad taste.

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A married man, just realizes that his wife is cheating on him while he's away. But just to make sure, he goes into a spy shop to look for a camera to look in on his wife while he's not there. so he goes up to the shop keeper and asks " do you have any video camera's that record in on any place in a house?" the shop keeper says no and the man walks out of the store.

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What do you call a gay man flying an aeroplane? A pilot.

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Yo mamma is so nice, when she bakes a batch of cookies, there's enough for everybody.

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What did the scientist have to say about religion when he was asked by a local reporter? He said that it is a cultural system that creates powerful and long-lasting meaning, by establishing symbols that relate humanity to truths and values.

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Billy is walking down the street when he spots 1 armed johnny hanging in a tree.Billy proceeds to wave causing Johnny to wave with his 1 arm. Johnny falls out of the tree and dies

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What is brown and sticky? The substance used to line your stomach when getting your stomach pumped.

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Q.Why did the chicken cross the road? A.forty-two

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Why did the Jew cross the road? He was hungry and there was a McDonalds on the other side of the street.

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Why Was my mommy gone last night? -cause I ****ed her

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops